Hal, Loi, Malcolm and Reese are trapped in a horrendous traffic jam. Francis enters himself in a bet that recalls the egg-eating wager in "Cool Hand Luke." Malcolm becomes smitten over a girl he meets. Dewey has his own little adventure--all over the world--before his family returns home.
Episode credits
Directed by Todd HollandWritten by Dan KopelmanGuest stars Mark Christopher Lawrence, John Harrington Bland, Hallee Hirsh, Clyde Kusatsu, Andrew Craig, Andy Mackenzie, Jayne Taini, Skip O'Brien
Francis visits the week after Halloween and helps his brothers in a trick that involves a giant slingshot with icky ammo. Hal tries to catch a mysterious hot-rodder.
Episode credits
Directed by Todd HollandWritten by Dan KopelmanGuest stars Mary Gillis, Danny Cistone, Leslie David Baker, Jack Shearer, Kate Asner, Kevin Brief, Kyle Sullivan, Evan Matthew Cohen
Crummy gifts rile birthday gal Lois, who suddenly splits from home, leaving confusion, anxiety and desperation in her wake.
Episode credits
Directed by Ken KwapisWritten by Alex ReidGuest stars Blair Wingo, Sean Marquette, Patricia Place, Robert Briscoe Evans, David Anthony Higgins, Patricia A. Lewis, Keith Alexander, Brian J. Williams
Shenanigans abound at the fancy spot where the family's dining with the Kenarbans, and at Francis' school, where rowdy teenage girls are partying.
Episode credits
Directed by Jeff MelmanWritten by Michael Glouberman, Andrew OrensteinGuest stars James Henriksen, Tinsley Grimes, Melissa Marsala, Frankie Ingrassia, Kasan Butcher, Arjay Smith, Daniel von Bargen, Craig Lamar Traylor
A family weekend vacation to a casino turns into an ordeal in the desert for Hal, Reese and Malcolm, who wander onto an artillery range. Francis sneaks home, but has no one to play with.
Episode credits
Directed by Todd HollandWritten by Neil Thompson, Gary MurphyGuest stars Michael Horse, Ajgie Kirkland, Sara Van Horn, Larry Weissman, BJ Porter, Kristen Trucksess, Todd Eckert, Michelle Davison
Hal and Lois heads off to a convention while the boys stays home for the babysitter. Malcolm, Reese and Dewey assumed it's just another old woman, their parents hired to watch them. They decide to do a series of pranks on their babysitter, which includes the covered up sewer tank with a blanket and a book for the old woman sit on. To their surprise, their babysitter is a hot, teen-aged girl named Patty. She is sweet to them, but also bitter because she was rejected by Francis, a long time ago, because she was obese. Now the boys compete against each other to see who will prove their eldest brother wrong in his rejection and sleep with her without sex. Meanwhile at the convention, Lois tries in vain to stop the fight between Hal and Jack, who stole his idea.
Episode credits
Directed by Jeff MelmanWritten by Bob StevensGuest stars Melody Perkins, Robert Curtis Brown, Alison La Placa, Kasan Butcher, Kyle Sullivan, Evan Matthew Cohen, Craig Lamar Traylor, Will Jennings
The night shift at Lucky Aide is held hostage by two robbers, since Craig does not want to give up the combination for the store's safe. Francis tries to help a heartbroken friend at the academy, while Hal and the boys fight nature at home.
Episode credits
Directed by Todd HollandWritten by Alan J. HigginsGuest stars Teresa Velarde, Frank Clem, Dewey Weber, Maz Jobrani, Arjay Smith, David Anthony Higgins
Malcolm's humiliation as a Krelboyne drives him crazy, so he fakes his way into seeing the school's shrink, with whom the con continues.
Episode credits
Directed by Ken KwapisWritten by Ian BuschGuest stars Johnny Lewis, Nancy Lenehan, Kasan Butcher, Kyle Sullivan, Eric Nenninger, Evan Matthew Cohen, Craig Lamar Traylor, Kristin Quick
Malcolm gets a role in the high school play and is so captivated by high school gossip that he forgets his lines. Lois discovers the joys of massage. Hal and Dewey build a society of model buildings in the living room. Francis tries to show his individualism at school when the commandant cracks down on personal belongings.
Episode credits
Directed by Jeff MelmanWritten by Maggie Bandur, Pang-Ni LandrumGuest stars Octavia Spencer, Natasha Melnick, Busy Philipps, Arsenio Trinidad, José Espinoza, Paityn James, Avery Kidd Waddell, Richard Topol
Reese, promising champion of his school's wrestling team, gets beaten by a girl, completely demoralizing him. So he gives up his school-bully carrier, which destabilizes the natural order of things at school. Francis tries to get out of academy at his birthday in an attempt to avoid academy-birthday-traditions.
Episode credits
Directed by Jeff MelmanWritten by Alex ReidGuest stars Susan Yeagley, Mike White, John Lacy, Eric Fleeks, Tyler Roche, Laura Henry, Eric Marquette, Ellis Williams
Dewey starts carrying a purse to school. Francis's friend Richie joins him at military school. Malcolm becomes a slave to an old woman in the neighborhood.
Episode credits
Directed by Todd HollandWritten by Alan J. HigginsGuest stars Florence Stanley, Brandon de Paul, Ricky Stark, Kasan Butcher, Daniel von Bargen, Kyle Sullivan, Todd Giebenhain, Eric Nenninger
Lois and Hal try to end Dewey's dependence on his stuffed animal Domingo by convincing him that it is too dirty. Strangely attracted, Malcolm finds himself in emotional confusion about the new weird Krelboyne girl Cynthia. At the academy Commandant Spangler re-institutes old Hickory into the school's disciplinary system and Francis tries to convince his father Hal to lie for him to avoid punishment.
Episode credits
Directed by Arlene SanfordWritten by Bob StevensGuest stars Tania Raymonde, Fred Sanders, Daniel von Bargen, Kyle Sullivan, Evan Matthew Cohen, Craig Lamar Traylor, Kristin Quick
New neighbors, who turn out to be even more awful than Malcolm's family, move in next door; the Marlin Academy cadets prepare for a visit from Oliver North.
Episode credits
Directed by Ken KwapisWritten by Maggie Bandur, Pang-Ni LandrumGuest stars Michael Welch, Gregory Jbara, Robin Riker, Christopher DerGregorian, Dakota Fanning, Zack Phifer, Denalda Williams, Sarah Ashley
Hal feels like his job is a piece of c* after going to Dewey's class for parent job day. So he decides to take a "kidney failure" weeks off. While Francis is forced to work at the lucky aid over spring break.
Episode credits
Directed by Ken KwapisWritten by Michael Glouberman, Andrew OrensteinGuest stars Kurt Fuller, Bob Clendenin, Shaun Toub, Thomas Crawford, Reece Morgan, Steffani Brass, Rusty Flood, Kyle Sullivan
Lois' estranged parents, Ida and Victor, pay the family a visit. Right away, trouble starts brewing. Victor bonds with Reese, Ida gets Malcolm into a fight, and Dewey is haunted by childhood memories of his inattentive grandparents.
Episode credits
Directed by Todd HollandWritten by Neil Thompson, Gary MurphyGuest stars Cloris Leachman, Robert Loggia, Joyce Fessides, Bobby Brewer, Kasan Butcher, Matthew Dunn, Eric Nenninger, Drew Powell
Lois gets a traffic ticket and immediately blames Francis and makes him get the money to her. To do this, Francis stages a stunt for the other cadets' amusement. Malcolm finds evidence that Lois was wrong about the traffic ticket.
Episode credits
Directed by Jeff MelmanWritten by Larry StrawtherGuest stars Sam McMurray, Kasan Butcher, Arjay Smith, Eric Nenninger, David Anthony Higgins
A hospital stay unsettles Malcolm, who's stuck in a kids ward with what may be appendicitis. Meanwhile, at military school, Francis leads a hunger strike.
Episode credits
Directed by Jeff MelmanWritten by Maggie Bandur, Pang-Ni LandrumGuest stars Chase Ellison, Steven Gilborn, Torsten Voges, Javier Grajeda, Linda Pine, Joe Colligan, Mike Rad, Arjay Smith
A cooking class energizes Reese; a planned party irks Malcolm, whose brutal honesty hurts the hostess, Krelboyne Cynthia.
Episode credits
Directed by Jeff MelmanWritten by Dan KopelmanGuest stars Miriam Flynn, Tania Raymonde, Fred Sanders, Michael Emanuel, Ashlee Simpson, Adam Craig Duro, Sheila Shaw, Coleen Maloney
Malcolm and the Krelboynes tutor Reese, and uncover the real reason behind his failing grades.
Episode credits
Directed by Ken KwapisWritten by Ian BuschGuest stars Dave Allen, E.J. Callahan, Kyle Sullivan, Todd Giebenhain, Evan Matthew Cohen, Craig Lamar Traylor
Francis has an extra ticket for a wrestling event and it is the prize pitting Malcolm vs. Reese in a one-upmanship war; caring for Craig's cat is troublesome for Dewey.
Episode credits
Directed by Todd HollandWritten by Tom Mason, Dan Danko, Dan KopelmanGuest stars Cerina Vincent, Anthony Holiday, Randy McPherson, David Anthony Higgins
Lois forbids the boys to ride a motorbike they found, but Reese disobeys and breaks a leg.
Episode credits
Directed by Ken KwapisWritten by Michael Glouberman, Andrew OrensteinGuest stars Kasan Butcher, Clement Blake, Brian Noonan, Chip Heller, Weston Blakesley, Brianna Deutsch, Daniel von Bargen, Eric Payne
Malcolm, Dewey, Stevie, and Reese hide out at a traveling carnival after hours and run afoul of a determined security guard and several members of the freak show.
Episode credits
Directed by Ken KwapisWritten by Alex ReidGuest stars Matthew McGrory, Steven I. Schafer, Joe J. Garcia, April Tatro, Mike Grief, Craig Lamar Traylor, Gary Anthony Williams, Merrin Dungey
Hal is inadvertently responsible for a toxic chemical spill that forces a neighborhood evacuation; Malcolm deals with being grounded even in the emergency shelter; Francis suffers through a date with a geeky 12-year-old.
Episode credits
Directed by Todd HollandWritten by Neil Thompson, Gary MurphyGuest stars Jerry Trainor, John Maynard, Casey Sander, Cristina Kernan, Heather McPhaul, Brian Tahash, Reagan Dale Neis, John Harnagel
Lois is two weeks late with her period, causing her and Hal to panic and start a big fight, while trying to keep it from the boys. And while Dewey is scared that his parents may split up, Hal and Lois remember the troubles of getting their previous four sons.
Episode credits
Directed by Jeff MelmanWritten by Ian BuschGuest stars Stuart Pankin, Robert R. Shafer, Jerry Hauck, Weston Blakesley, David Doty, Gregory White, Cheryl Carter, Doug Cox
